• Thursday, February 1, 2007

    Top Design Disclaimer

    by Damselfly


    Welcome to the White Room. Please pick up your straight jackets at the door. Empty your pockets of all sharp objects including but not limited to screw drivers, fabric scissors, nails, needles, paint brushes, exacto knives, credit cards, and nasty glares. We would like to encourage the use of shoes without laces as situations at times may become a bit overwhelming and the temptation to use them on yourself or others...or in your designs would be too strong.

    Your analysts tonight will be a group of Design Divas. They will be assisted by a D-list actress with A-list relatives and Z-list taste. Please listen to what they have to say because the little bits of help that they will throw in your direction may be hidden inside of sarcasm so if you are not paying attention you may miss it making the whole experience a giant waste of everyone’s time.

    The walls are heavily padded and lit for your safety as well as providing an ambiance conducive to calming the most tangled nerves in the most stressful circumstances.

    Please leave your gripes, snipes, designer baggage, egos, eye rolling, back stabbing, resumé boasting, self centered qualities at the door. We will not be responsible for any lost tempers due to your inability to follow this simple request. We ask that you conduct all drama in the direction of the cameras as Bravo will need to document all bad behavior for future humiliating public displays.

    Do not try to argue with the narcissists. It only lends fuel to an inner fire that is already burning out of control.

    Do not tempt your host with bronzer, tanning creme, or any form of blush as he is working to overcome his addiction and we would like to avoid any set backs.

    Do not speak unless spoken to and even then do not elaborate as we are very important people with very important things to do and don’t have time to waste on...who are you again? And lets face it...we really don’t care.

    And finally, please do not hit on the carpenters...That goes for all of you. They are here strictly as a support team and are not trained to deal with your taste issues and personality disorders.
    Beyond that, please enjoy yourselves for as long as “you can stay” and feel free to rest up on our strategically placed Sleep Number Beds.
    Bravo Production Team

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    Anonymous Jenn82 said...

    Goil and Elizabeth are great I am so happy they won. Lisa and Heather yikes. They both seem very talented its to bad we did not see more work. Does John have a mental disorder? He is crazy. Michael super funny cute and we love facial expressions. I can't till next week.

    February 1, 2007 at 7:19 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I think John does have a mental disorder. He called the other guys queens and girls and called Michael his "b*tch".

    In his bravo bio he compares his life to George Michael's. HeLLooo? Is that a $3 bill I see?

    February 1, 2007 at 8:24 AM  
    Anonymous Damselfly said...

    My personal favorite is when he walks in and makes some grandios statement about living with "queens" but when he hears they are working with Tod O he gets excited like a little girl! Yeeks!

    February 1, 2007 at 11:50 AM  
    Anonymous TheHoInMO said...

    I thought it was funny that he called the guys "queens" and "girls" when is sooooooo one of them! LOL.


    February 1, 2007 at 12:30 PM  
    Blogger trixie b said...

    These were very funny instructions! I think you covered much of the absurdity. Iespecially liked your attention to the white padded room. A nice observation.

    February 1, 2007 at 2:23 PM  
    Blogger 2pooped2see said...

    Michael and John working together was pure "Ralphie meets Ralph Kramden" - I was waiting for the punch in the kisser!! :)

    February 1, 2007 at 4:01 PM  
    Anonymous Athena said...

    Welcome to "Top Design presents...Just Jack(s) 2007!" with "Just Jack -- In Denial Queen" and "Just Jack -- Super Geek Queen" in the center ring duking it out. The ladies better step it up if they want to make an impression...It's going to take some serious attitude to get ahead of the drama.

    And what was up with Todd Oldham's "Look see - I can read instructions out loud to others"??

    Pure entertainment all around! Oh and...the rooms were pretty fun too.

    February 3, 2007 at 5:14 PM  

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