• Tuesday, January 30, 2007

    Andy's New Set Revealed!

    Oh, Andy, how could Bravo stint you like this? Look at the paltry gray set they gave you for your live chats for Top Chef 2! Did you have no say in the matter? Bravo has been making a gazillion advertising dollars off it's Project Whatever reality shows, but look how they're treating you, you poor sweet man.
    They've exiled you to some tiny curtained corner on Wednesday nights and stuck you with a tinny sound and some cheesy props. Even Charley Rose’s set over at PBS looks better than yours, and that’s saying nothing!

    So what do you think about the set design, Tom and Sam?
    "Er, huh, ah, well...very In-teres-ting, Andy. Actually, we'd rather not say."

    In making the decision to compete with us genius bloggers on our busiest night of the week, one would have thought that Bravo would have elicited the help of its new phalanx of designers to design a fabulous set for you.

    Our Top Designers are right on top of things! In their zeal to get started, and without any prompting from the big brass in the control room, the designers formed four groups of three. Their mission? To design a new set for you based on a 60's or 70's show theme. Here's what they came up with.

    Happy Days Set Design: Team led by Michael Adams, with Cariza Prez-Fuentes and Erik Kolacz.

    "We envision Andy in a diner with nice naugahide booths decorated with aquamarine pleather and a bright red and white checkered floor. Tom and Marion could help him host the chats. They're so accessible. Besides, they need the job, having been without work for almost two decades.

    Here's our Andy on the Happy Day's set!

    And here are his cohosts.

    The Lost in Space Set: John Gray's team, comprising of Elizabeth Moore and Andrea Keller went space age.

    "This Lost in Space ambiance, with its simplistic backdrop and emphasis of function over form is our way of propelling Andy into the 25th Century. Andy's brains will have grown too big for his head, so we'll need the Robot to prop him up as he talks to his guests."

    When asked about his inspiration, John Gray, team leader said,"We feel that the original set was not gray enough. We intend to extend the gray so that the guests, Andy, and grayness meld into one, completely receding into the backdrop. Even Andy as the Robot will be dressed in gray. Gray is good. Gray is a winner. Let Grayness reign!"

    The Gilligan's Island Set: Led by team leader Lisa Turner and her mates Ryan Humphrey and Felicia Bushman.

    "We feel that Andy needs a team to help him through those awkward first moments. He doesn't need props, but needs to be surrounded by people who will prop him up. Set in a natural environment made of foam rocks and Colorado River Water pumped in from the Mexican Border, only a few coconut husks and some mountains of luggage will be needed to complete our vision for Andy."

    The final team, lead by Heather Ashton and consisting of Matt Lorenz and Goi Amornvivat, decided to design the new set around the concept of a bottle. Hence, the "I Dream of Jeannie" set was born.

    "This set was born out of magic, it breathes magic, it exudes magic from every tasseled corner. Aside from sensual textures, this set promises sexual tension for the viewers, guests, and host for years to come. America is all about sexual tension. Without it, advertising wouldn't exist. Without sex, we wouldn't exist. This set, therefore, is more than the sum of its parts."

    Guest judge Barbara Eden gave rather harsh reviews for the first three sets, but waxed ecstatic over the final choice! "I was stuck wearing that outfit for untold years. For almost half a century I couldn't eat more than a few grapes, carrot sticks, or prunes for fear of popping my belly button. It's time for someone else to don my belly baring mantle. Andy is the perfect choice!"

    "Thank you, Bravo, for my new set. I'll endeavor to do it justice!"

    "Dayum, Andy! We hoped you'd choose us! How much longer are we gonna be stuck on this blasted island? We're almost out of clean clothes! Tell Bravo to get us outta here, will ya? Any series will do. Pride goeth before the storm, which is comin.'"

    Posted: Ms. Place

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    Blogger Linda Merrill said...

    Very, very funny!

    January 30, 2007 at 6:28 AM  

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