• Sunday, February 4, 2007

    Taste Patrol

    Three Hula Men Bobble Award:

    For sheer entertainment value, the team of John and Mikey receive my first ever Three Hula Men Bobble Award! Such drama! Such fun! From the horrified "Oh Look Who Drew the Same Color Paint Sample As Me" stares, to the sheer disgust on their faces as they clashed during their challenge, this team had me rolling on the floor with laughter. They’re sillier than Mutt and Jeff, Felix and Oscar, Britney and Kevin, and Whitney and Bobby rolled into one. Do you know anyone who’s as pushy as John? Or as inept with a paint roller as Mikey? I can’t recall a single feature of the room they designed, aside from the diagonal wood floor, that’s how focused I was on their rubber faced expressions of extreme distaste for each other. I can’t WAIT for the next John and Mikey encounter. Can you?

    Two Hula Men Bobble Award:

    For being gracious, talented, and creative, and for designing a playful, funky environment that was spot on, the Two Hula Men Bobble Award goes to our winners, Elizabeth and Goil (as in gargoyle.) Why didn’t they receive the Three Hula Men Bobble Award? Well, even though they won the competition, I was amazed, no, completely flummoxed to observe that a $51,250 room could LOOK so spare and (dare I say it?) cheap. Really, Bravo, give Ms. Place the same amount of money and she could do a whole lot better. She’d make that swing move all by itself, have real waves lap at that sandbox, contrive for a fresh breeze to waft in every 10 seconds, and train gulls to fly overhead. She’d even pipe in soothing whale mating calls just for show.

    The Bobble Won't Wobble Award:

    Now we get to the tchotchkes. Yes, those unnecessary trinkets, baubles, and accessories that serve no real useful function and clutter up one’s interior, making it difficult for one's maid to dust. The Bobble Won’t Wobble Award goes to Tasty and Delicious. Yes, I know they got along great and were as cute as Bambi and Thumper, but, hey, you two, where did you expect Alexis to sit on that couch? Not even her dog could have found a spot among all those tchotchke pillows. And worse, you scattered the extras (extras?) on the FLOOR! Alexis would have tripped on her stilettos before she even reached the sofa. Oh, wait! Do I see tchotchkes IN the fireplace? And blood red accents? Oh, Tiny Tim, please wish us a Merry Christmas!

    The Trash It Award:

    I hate to beat a dog when it’s down, but the Trash It award goes to Heather and Lisa. First, they did not spend all their money. Huh? This was your first competition, ladies. You’re supposed to show the judges what creative stuff you are made of. So instead of finding a few truly excellent and beautiful pieces of furniture, you focused all your attentions on a hideous faux oriental day bed. Do you hear fingernails scratching on a blackboard? That’s the sound of my anguish and pain as I think of the lovely opportunity you wasted. Second, you cluttered the place with plants. Plants? Dahlings, this room was supposed to be a restful haven. Plants are WORK. (And do not tell me they are artificial.)From Ms.Place

    An introductory note: Ms. Place formulates her ideas for her posts and writes them shortly after a fresh episode of Top Design has aired, placing them in a queue for publication. Any duplication of brilliant comic thought and inspired point of view is purely coincidental.



    Blogger eric3000 said...

    You're right; I liked the winning design but where did the money go? I don't think that swing cost almost $50,000!

    February 4, 2007 at 10:57 AM  
    Blogger trixie said...

    Maybe it was a 10K rake?

    Be kind to team Tasty and Delicious Ms Place! After all, Alexis looked pretty wobbly in those stilettos. Perhaps the extra pillows were there to protect her when she falls. Maybe they figured she'd fall off the couch as well so she should to be able to grab extra pillows. And I think the contrast color was persimmon.

    February 4, 2007 at 12:44 PM  
    Anonymous ms. place said...

    Oh, trixie, I love Tasty and Delicious, and I hope they go far. I just love his handsome visage and her fervor for helping the poor.

    Here's what Margaret had to say about Tasty and Delicious, and I agree:

    "Erik and Carissa clearly put both thought and effort into their project, but the end result -- although tasteful -- was lacking in spirit and personality, which are two words that personify Ms. Arquette. Jonathan annointed me the “pillow police” after I busted the two of them for the overabundance of cushions not only on their sofa but also propped on the chairs and floor. Design tip: Just because a new sofa comes with eight extra throw pillows doesn’t mean they actually look good. No pun intended, throw those throw pillows away!"

    My prediction? Tasty and Delicious will go a long way.

    February 6, 2007 at 6:20 PM  

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