Taste Patrol

Three Hula Man Bobble Award

For taking me away from the cold, I give this week's beach challenge the coveted and much desired Three Man Hula Bobble Award.




As much of the upper and eastern half of this nation was locked in ice, sleet, and raging blizzards, our designtestants got to frolick on a beach with studly folks who looked like this.

Need I say anything more on the subject?

Two Hula Man Bobble Award

The team of Mikey, Felicia, and Andrea wins the Two Man Hula Bobble Award for being as adorable as a trio of puppies.

However, to my humble way of thinking, a cabana must have a roof. Yes, those rafters looked beautiful and geometric against that brilliant blue sky, but Ms. Place’s skin would have burnt to a crisp underneath those naked pieces of wood. She no longer sunbathes, and that cabana, wonderfully romantic as it is, provides no solar shelter.

OH! You expected me to use WHAAAT? Sorry, dahlings, even lotion with an SFP of 1,000 doesn’t work on my fair skin. And I don't care to feel like a lubricated axle. Having said this, those curtains were poetry in motion. They won you the competition. Felicia was right in this instance: Less is more (her words not mine.) I hope your girlfriend's night out at the Viceroy Hotel was delightful. Wish I'd been there!

The Bobble Won't Wobble Award

The Bobble Won't Wobble Award goes to both Ryan and Carisa. This was a tossup, though at times I tended to feel for Carisa because I saw how Ryan, who is much older and wiser, was playing her. In addition, when the woman is assertive, she's labeled a Bitch or diva, but when a man exhibits the same behavior (Ryan) he's merely being assertive. Not.

Ms. Place has been to St. Tropez, as she had an Aunt who lived in Nice, and, dahlings, you've never seen a fancier playground for the rich. This team fell way short of the mark. Even with Goil's soaring rafters, the overall design of the cabana looked cheap and thin and nothing like anything I saw in the south of France.

Carisa and Erik made a great team, so we know she can work well with others. However, she’s still a student. Good lord, girl, you acted as though you have years of design experience and tried to lord it over Ryan, who is an artist of some repute. Bad call. It's not as if your materials and colors reflected the Cote d'Azur. (Azur being the operative word for your choice of blue.) When I saw next week’s previews, I asked myself, 'Is Carisa going to use tomato red and green AGAIN?' If so, you had some nerve ragging on Ryan.

As for Ryan, you deliberately chose tchotchkes as fillers (your words not mine). In my book purchasing all that STUFF was totally inexcusable. I can't imagine that you would approach your art work with the same throw away phrase: I'll just fill this negative space with STUFF. You would have been laughed out of art school and never made it as a serious artist. You should have concentrated on choosing the perfect furniture for a rich St. Tropez experience. And how on earth do you expect candles to stay lit on a beach? Ever heard of ocean breezes? Pffftttt!

I can't forgive either of you for frazzling my new Goil-friend. Here he is looking like he'd spent a night in the House on Haunted Hill. Where's his darling smile, I ask you? What did you do to the bounce in his step?



Trash It Award

The Trash It Award goes to - Ok, Bravo, I’ll say it: Trash the judges and find new ones, or ask this group to make an attitude adjustment. I agree with my teammate Damselfly; the two women are holier than thou. And is it me, or is Jonathan starting to resemble that puppet Charlie McCarthy, parroting the same phrases over and over and plastering a fixed but false smile on his face?

If the judges made sound decisions based on what I see and know, then I could forgive Jonathan for his cloying smiles, Kelly for her inappropriately youthful wardrobe, and Margaret for her haughtiness. The guest judge Katherine was forgettable. I don’t remember a single word she uttered. Latering Elizabeth (what an awful word) was a huge mistake. The Miami Beach cabana had a rich, cohesive look that the St. Tropez cabana lacked.

So you don’t think their deep colors exist in Miami? Yes they do. Here’s a photo of an Art Deco interior at the Royal Palm South Beach on Collins Avenue.

This hotel's color scheme makes Elizabeth's look restrained. I'm not saying that the Royal Palm's room shows taste and class, just that this color combination can be found in Miami and that Elizabeth's design sin was not as heinous as Ryan's, whose furniture and tchotchkes choices were wholly inappropriate. Besides, Ryan has repeatedly demonstrated poorer design choices in past challenges. Why didn't Elizabeth's more sterling record count for something?

Repeat after me, judges: We wuz wrong! We shoulda kept Elizabeth.

Oh, yeah, I forgot, there's an unspoken edict on reality t.v. to get rid of the older contestants and keep the younger more colorful "characters." It sickens me to see this pattern repeated over and over with few exceptions, in this instance Lisa, John, and Elizabeth have been let go. Is there any designer over 40 left in this bunch?

Special Award: Should Never Be Heard in the Light of Day

Once in a while I will add this category when the situation warrants it.

The first Should Never Be Heard in the Light of Day Award goes to, "See you later, decorator."

Nuff said.

Disclaimer: Ms. Place writes her unlaudable tomes in the dark of night wearing blinders and earplugs. She refrains from reading other's contributions or comments until she forms her own forgettable opinions. Only then does she visit other TD sites to discover with dismay that we all have the same reactions to the same events. ARE THERE NO ORIGINAL OPINIONS left in this world?

By Ms. Place