Three Hula Man Bobble Award
Dahlings, as Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell will attest, there’s nothing more effective than a public spat to make people sit up and take notice. Young Michael and Carisa are not only unsheathing some impressive claws, but their subtext is truly Shakespearean. In fact, I enlisted the aid of my favorite Bard to reveal just what they were actually saying, punctuated by rolling eyes and heaving sighs and dramatic gestures. No doubt about it, their entertaining but immature side show deserved the top prize this week.
Thou gorbellied dizzy-eyed codpiece! One needeth a microscope to espy thine manly jewels.
We leak in your chimney!
Thou art so leaky that we must leave thee to thy sinking.
Were I like thee I'd throw away myself.
I will most humbly take my leave of you. You cannot, sir, take from me anything that I will not more willingly part withal. I never knew so young a body with so old a head. You are a hideous TOAD that hideth its paltry talent behind a furled tongue! It is thy clouded vision that prevents thee from bowing to my superior design skills. Confess, ye unctuous braying donkey, that I, a fair young maid, thought first and foremost to slake our clients' thirst upon a darkly painted bar!
[Thou] appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. So there, thou waspish wench. Take thy bossy ass and performeth that which is worthy of thy useless sex, such as DROPPING off the FACE of my MANLY EARTH. Poof! Begone you bragger of naught, I wish thee hie!
(GAWD, that felt good. Thanks for bearing with me, gentle readers. I feel so much lighter now that I’ve got Shakespeare off my bounteous chest!)
I knew Goil was going over the deep end when he began to compare himself to Jan Brady, but you found your inner Marcia and gave him true sympathy. I cannot thank you enough for this tender moment.
The Bobble Won’t Wobble Award
I liked your hair, though, so your look was saved from the Trash It category.
Please, dahling, try channeling Audrey Hepburn next time (you have the looks and figure.) My sensitive eyeballs will thank you for it.
Your tent was merely ok, and that screen, er barrier, er contraption simply killed any interest I had in entering your space. People had to walk around it. I (along with most everyone) hate to be forced to walk in a single line and guess what’s around the corner.
Your ground-to-ceiling chandeliers were squat and lacked elegance, and those fuzzy red caterpillar flower arrangements looked amateurish. I found your loss quite surprising, as I assumed that your talented team would easily beat Mikey, Carisa, and Matt-colm In the Middle.
As an aside, check out Ed Schoen's other site, resident actor, comedian, and carpenter.
Well, dahlings, the challenges are getting a tad better. I wish that this challenge had shown up earlier in the competition. My suggestion to the writers is to let our designtestants work on individual designs so that we can judge their work. With Erik gone, I am placing my bets on Matt.
Labels: Taste Patrol