• Saturday, February 10, 2007

    Taste Patrol

    Three Hula Man Bobble Award

    I anoint Goil as this week’s Three Man Hula Bobble Award Winner. I'm just crazy about our Goil-friend. From his extraordinary talent to his enthusiasm to his cute smile and funky hairdo, I've become one smitten fan.

    How sweet are these photos of Goil on the GO? He behaves like a happy kid, always bubbly and smiling and in perpetual motion, even when shopping in Wal-Mart, er, K-Mart, er, Target. Whatever.

    And his introduction is so sweetly distinctive: "Hi, my name is Goil as in Gar-Goil."

    You got me at Hi, dahling.

    Now that my favorite drama Queen, John, has been auf’d, I can only plead to the judges not to prematurely auf you. I am addicted to watching you and seeing what you’ll design next. You’ll go far, Goil-Star, and it doesn’t hurt that you’re a buffo architect and designer. Your enthusiasm is infectious. I loved watching you crawl into that hidey hole and pretend to shoot the judges with a plastic (water?) pistol.

    You placed your furniture on wheels so your wee client, Matt, can rearrange his room easily. How cool and practical is that? It's interesting to note how your $8,000 room had a similar feel to the $50,000 room you and Elizabeth designed. Your subtle wall designs have a richness of pattern and color that don't easily translate over the t.v. screen from a distance. The more I see them the more I like them, but why did you choose those kitsch pepper thingies two weeks in a row? Did you think we wouldn't notice? Once cute, twice...repetitive.

    Nevertheless, Ms. Place adores her Goil-friend. And she’d like to see him meet a design challenge every Wednesday. (You hear me Bravo? He's a keeper.)

    Two Hula Man Bobble Award

    My Two Hula Man Bobble Award goes to Erik.

    I would have awarded him Three Bobbles for just for being tasty and delicious, but I must adhere to my strict criteria for awarding my precious hula men! Erik's pirate room - fun and age appropriate - is too fussy for my Euro tastes, although the judges obviously liked it. Visually, there's too much going on. Yes, his client, Trent, loved the room, but Goil's young Matt also liked the space created for him. And what’s up with that plant? What ten-year-old boy wants a big old nasty unclimable tree taking up his precious play space? Compare this eye sore monstrosity to the way Carisa incorporated her plants into her overall design. Lush and sophisticated. Buffo, Carisa. You go, girl! I love the bold way you approached this challenge. However, no young boy wants wussy pillows on his floor. When they stop having a useful function, they become superfluous tchotchkes in my book. I know, I know, you bought them for your adult client, but you should have tossed them aside when you realized Kevin could trip over them and break his baby teeth.
    Here’s a mantra I suggest you memorize: "Less pillows. Less pillows. Less pillow." And try to refrain from using your repetitive green and orange-tomato red-persimmon color scheme again. This is the second week in a row that you chose this particular color combination. Next time might not be the charm.

    The Bobble Won't Wobble Award

    The Bobble Won’t Wobble Award goes to Mikey. After meeting his precocious client, Mikey realized that the antiseptic room he designed for a liver-spotted octogenarian might not work for a tender child like Breanna. Spiffing it up with a feathered butterfly, some Diva accessories, and plumpy Carisa-like pillows, Mikey said to himself, "I've used no Chuckie-Cheese aesthetic here! She could live in this room from her teens to her dotage. "

    Imagining replacing his treacly Home Sweet Home pillow with one replica after another throughout the interminable ages, Mikey realized he was on to something new: Client retention for a hundred zillion years!
    Then, to his complete surprise, the people he'd counted on to judge his room weren't chosen! Those icky judges who had placed him in the bottom two just the week before were putting the cabosh on his designs again. They even discounted the fact that he’d sullied his perfectly manicured nails to paint walls and lay down a wood floor
    Life just ain’t fair, is it Mikey? But take heart. If you lose the competition entirely, you could always find a job as a nurse's aid in some assisted living facility. You'd look as cute in a uniform as Renee Zelwegger, maybe even hotter!

    Trash It Award

    The Trash It Award goes to fashionista Kelly Wearstler! I love your overall style, dahling, and had a post ready to comment on your fabulosity, but I had to trash it in light of your disastrous fashion choice this week.

    I even forgave you for wearing spats in Episode One, because we know they are "In" and because the rest of your outfit was spot on. But when I saw you appear in front of the camera this week, I gagged on my Pinot Noir and nearly SPAT out my pate in reflex. Bravo must have known how awful you looked because I can't find a clear large photo of you wearing your 1920's bathing suit with stiletto heels and gloves.

    Dahling, stand in front of a mirror and take a good look at that ridiculous outfit. What were you thinking? And at your age too. Were you planning to go on a bike ride after the show? To a gym? To audition as a flapper bathing beauty for a remake of "Some Like it Hot"?

    Next week, you divine talented creature, wear one of those gowns you’re so fond of when posing for magazine covers. That should make up for this week's mistake.And yoo hoo, Margaret! Yes you, dahling. Who'd design a room around a cat? Me and an army of pet lovers! Let it be known we took great exception to your silly statement. Mi casa, my pet's casa. At least that's what he tells me every day.

    Well, Ta, dear readers, until next week. Ms. Place can’t wait for the next Top Design show to air as she sorely needs an extra hour of sleep!

    Submitted By Ms. Place

    Note: Any similarity between my verbal diarrhea and anyone else's is purely by accident. I attribute such coincidence to our watching the same garbage week in and week out. Blame Bravo, not me.

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    Blogger Linda Merrill said...

    As always, very funny and very spot-on commentary. I had a client last year who has 8 cats. (I'm allergic, and well, not very fond in any event). But, I soldiered on. She also has 2 dogs. So, while we didn't decorate around the animals, we did do some fab dog pillows, and bought coverlets for everything else! The cat's own that place!

    February 11, 2007 at 7:28 AM  
    Anonymous MICHAEL ADAMS said...


    February 11, 2007 at 8:59 AM  
    Blogger trixie said...

    Oh snap! Nursey: I've defending your taste -- or at least your imagination -- but now you're bailing? Well for the record those paintings suck.

    But you still you accessorized the best. Thanks for putting books in the room.

    And yes MsP: Goil's very smart and this room has great style and is very Euro. But it is rather cold and clinical. Europeans tend to live in old buildings--they are more eclectic, yes? But Goil's purity is probably better for winning design competitions!

    I think Teresa needs those pillows because those ropes are not strong enough for climbing. Something needs to break his fall.

    MsP this is so spot-on:

    Any similarity between my verbal diarrhea and anyone else's is purely by accident. I attribute such coincidence to our watching the same garbage week in and week out.

    so true.

    and yet we never tire of our jokes. let's not analyze that too closely.

    February 12, 2007 at 4:14 PM  

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