• Saturday, April 7, 2007

    Top Design Recap, Episode 9: Cover Girls: or Todd's Angels

    By Eric 3000

    Alas, it couldn't be "Cover Goil." It just wasn't meant to be. Well, at least Matt gets to be Farrah.

    Todd Oldham: "Previously on Top Design: there was blood everywhere!"

    Oh, for crying out loud, Todd, I had just gotten over that!

    OK, there are three designers left and this season is almost over. Hooray! No, actually I've enjoyed the last few episodes; it's just the team challenges that I find unwatchable. What will happen next?

    Andrea: "Well, Carisa shouldn't even be in the final three with Matt and me. Everything she does looks like it was done by the same designer. Boring! My spaces all look like some random person off the street just threw a bunch of crap into a room. I think that's what the judges are looking for."

    Carisa: "Matt guessed that this challenge will be to create an elegant living room inspired by a cover of Elle Decor magazine. I don't know where he comes up with these stupid ideas."

    Andrea: "Well, I just hope it's anything other than an elegant living room inspired by a cover of Elle Decor magazine because then Matt will be out of his element and he'll be eliminated."

    Carisa: "Oh, you're terrible, Muriel!"

    Todd: "OK, designers, you'll be creating elegant living rooms inspired by a cover of Elle Decor magazine!"

    Carisa and Andrea: "Son of a bitch."

    Todd: "You'll have to design elegance on a budget, however. You're only getting $7,500."

    Matt: "Someone please kill me."

    Todd: "That's cash, by the way."

    Matt: "Oh, good. That will be so much easier to spend than $7,500 worth of gold bullion or GE stock certificates. But there is still no way I can do that. I am not a bargain shopper. I usually try to waste as much of my client's money as possible."

    Now, I don't remember how much they get for supplies or if they get a separate fabric budget, but $7,500 is a lot of money in the real world. Sure, it wouldn't buy much at the PDC, but there are lots of places in Los Angeles where you can get a lot for a few thousand dollars. I would start at Wertz Bros. in Santa Monica, which sells used furniture. They also have a more expensive store on Lincoln Blvd. that is still pretty reasonable. Matt may be lucky enough to work with clients for whom money is no object but most clients will want as much as possible for the least amount of money so he's going to have to learn to be a bargain hunter at some point.

    Matt: "Margaret is in the back of my head. I'm always thinking, 'What would Margaret Russel do?'"

    Yeah, we should all walk a mile in Margaret's shoes.

    Matt: "God, I wish! Her shoes are hawt!"

    Last week we met Goil's sewing professional. [it took me a while to find that gender-neutral term. Wikipedia actually mentions "seamster" as the male version of seamstress but I don't think that's a real word and the term seamstress is a little old fashioned anyway. I don't think they are tailors because they aren't making clothes. I believe Todd actually refers to them as seamstresses in the first episode but I'm not sure] Anyway, this week we meet Matt's. You'll remember him from his last gig as a member of the Village People.

    Ed will be back for the finale but Sarah is filling in for him while he recuperates from his accident:

    Swift Boat Veterans for Truth: "He just scratched his finger so he could get out of combat duty. I know because I was there."

    Whatever. Anyway, Matt seems to be having trouble with Sarah. Hey, Matt, read your script; complaining about the carpenters is Carisa's job. You'll just confuse the viewers, who are expecting one dimensional characters.

    Fortunately Carisa is arguing with Carl, as usual:

    Carisa: "OK, so we're using plaster. I'm going to get plastered later! Ha, ha!"

    Carl: [just stares at her]

    Carisa: "I'm getting plastered later. Get it, Carl? ... Carl? You're just the life of the party, aren't you, Carl?"

    Carl continues to ignore her and starts making the faux-stone wall:

    Carisa: "Carl, could you make the stones a little flatter?"

    Carl: "I'm not making that kind of stone! You're thinking of slate but I'm making sandstone. I wish you would just believe that I know what I'm doing."

    Carisa: "Who cares what kind of stone it is? This isn't a geology class! Please just make them flatter."

    I almost made the title this week, "Carl Talks!" Are you as surprised as I am to learn that Carl can speak? I just assumed he was deaf and mute because he never responds to Carisa or listens to anything she says. This is almost as exciting as first hearing Garbo speak. That's right, my little Ninotchka's, maybe in the next episode we'll even hear him laugh:

    Carl: "That's not going to happen."

    And what was the deal with the fireplace? I don't understand what Carl was planning to make with that angled piece of wood. Well, the final result worked. I loved Carisa's room! I agree she could have done with fewer tschotchkes but, other than that, it was great! It definitely looked inspired by the picture but, other than the fact that it had a fireplace, it wasn't a copy. Carl did a great job with the wall (though you'll notice that the stones get flatter higher up on the wall, which looks better). Why didn't she win? Oh, yeah:

    Margaret: "I've said it before and I'll say it again: America: it's a problem."

    What?

    Margaret: "Sorry, what I meant to say is that this room just isn't boring enough for the cover of Elle Decor."

    Right. So which room is boring enough for the cover of Elle Decor? Well, that's a toss-up. Andrea's and Matt's rooms are both pretty dull. Which one is better? I can't decide.

    I agree with the judges that the architectural details in Andrea's room are good. Although I'm not sure about the embroidered baseboards; I'm sure they looked better in person, but on television I thought they looked strange. Everything else in her room was completely forgettable.

    Matt's room looks unfinished and I can't figure out what it has to do with his inspiration picture. In the picture there is basically a chaise and a bunch of black and white striped drapery fabric. The only thing his room has in common with the picture is the chaise. I understand he didn't want to copy the striped fabric but it seemed like he needed something to give the feeling of the picture. The room itself is OK. The floor, as usual, is beautiful. But a room needs more than a cool floor. And it doesn't even look like a living room to me. There is not much appropriate seating. The chaise together with those Rorschach-test paintings on the wall make me think of a psychiatrist's office. Anyway, Matt wins.

    Jonathan: "Carisa and Andrea, could you please take a step forward?"

    Carisa and Andrea: "Why?"

    Jonathan: "How should I know? Just do it. Carisa, you're in. Andrea, Goodbye."

    Carisa is in the finale! America shits itself!

    Labels:

    12 Comments:

    Blogger Linda Merrill said...

    Eric3K - yours is definitely my favorite recap!

    Shopping at the PDC: $50,000

    Shopping at a discount: $7,500

    Matt: "Someone please kill me."
    Carisa and Andrea: "Son of a bitch."

    Priceless.

    April 7, 2007 at 10:11 AM  
    Blogger Bravissimo said...

    Carisa: "Oh, you're terrible, Muriel!"

    That line cracked me up!

    Doesnt seamster sound like a teamster with a lisp?

    brooke

    April 7, 2007 at 5:36 PM  
    Blogger Laz said...

    Carisa is in the finale! America shits itself!

    It's official then. Hell has, indeed, frozen over.

    I was rather hoping you'd close with Daniel Franco proclaiming, "It's a mother-f'ing design-off!"

    April 7, 2007 at 11:42 PM  
    Blogger wildflower38 said...

    I agree with Laz... hell has frozen over. Well one more episode of this show.... The best part of this show is your recap Eric!!! When does PR and Nancy Griffith come on again?

    April 8, 2007 at 6:25 AM  
    Anonymous Calady said...

    America shits itself!
    Ok Eric, now I hurt myself laughing. Wonderful recap.

    April 8, 2007 at 6:39 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Eric - another fab recap!

    April 8, 2007 at 10:26 AM  
    Blogger Marc said...

    Laz - That was Daniel Vosovic who uttered the single best line of PR2 ("It's a mutherfucking walkoff!"), NOT Daniel Franco. Those are two TOTALLY different Daniels who should never EVER be confused. (Daniel V. = man of my dreams.) Anyway, I forgive you.

    Eric3000 - When they showed Wayne, they identified him as "Matt's Seamster" on screen. I had never heard the word, but apparently it works.

    April 9, 2007 at 11:56 AM  
    Blogger eric3000 said...

    Thanks, Marc; I had missed that. And seamster is, in fact, in the Oxford English Dictionary (I just hadn't found it in Webster's) so seamster it is!

    April 9, 2007 at 12:23 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    "This room just isn't boring enough for the cover of Elle Decor"

    *Snorfle*

    nutmeg

    April 9, 2007 at 2:50 PM  
    Blogger Laz said...

    Sorry, marc. I'll go & sin no more.

    April 9, 2007 at 8:11 PM  
    Blogger Linda Merrill said...

    I worked with a guy who who did window treatments, etc. and he called himself a draper.

    April 10, 2007 at 6:41 AM  
    Blogger trixie said...

    Todd Oldham: "Previously on Top Design: there was blood everywhere!"
    Oh, for crying out loud, Todd, I had just gotten over that!


    Yes -- they do love that Texas Chainsaw imagery don't they? Don't they understand that some of us have may be dealing with home improvement traumas of our own?

    Todd: you'll be creating elegant living rooms inspired by a cover of Elle Decor magazine!"
    Carisa and Andrea: "Son of a bitch."


    ha ha

    Todd: "You'll have to design elegance on a budget, however. You're only getting $7,500."
    Matt: "Someone please kill me."


    I think this is hard if you only have a day and don't know the shops and LA is a big city. And an expensive city. The money goes fast. Even so -- this line was hilarious:

    I am not a bargain shopper. I usually try to waste as much of my client's money as possible."

    The prices at the PDC make me think that is what ALL decorators are doing.

    Matt: "Margaret is in the back of my head. I'm always thinking, 'What would Margaret Russel do?'"

    Yeah, we should all walk a mile in Margaret's shoes.


    Especially those red ones.

    complaining about the carpenters is Carisa's job. You'll just confuse the viewers, who are expecting one dimensional characters.

    Precisely.

    Margaret: "Sorry, what I meant to say is that this room just isn't boring enough for the cover of Elle Decor."

    From a distance the covers all did look the same!

    The chaise together with those Rorschach-test paintings on the wall make me think of a psychiatrist's office.

    Oh that's perfect! Perhaps that is why he focused on "dreamy" (a word that wasn't describing the room on the front cover). Maybe he hypnotized the judges while they were looking at his room.

    Another great recap. You are so funny Eric. Funny haha I mean.

    April 10, 2007 at 7:46 AM  

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