• Saturday, February 24, 2007

    Top Design Recap, Episode Four: Student Projects!

    By Eric3000

    Legal disclaimer: Eric Three Thousand Recaps are a mix of fact and fantasy and most of the quotes are fake. Use for the temporary relief of boredom. Possible side effects include shortness of breath, dizziness, loss of appetite (if you've just eaten), hair growth (after an extended period of time), and death (eventually). Please talk to your doctor about Eric Three Thousand.

    Todd Oldham is having a picnic with the designers in front of the Pacific Design Center. He tells them they actually get to meet their clients for this challenge. There is much rejoicing. Then he tells them the clients will be really picky. There is much feigning of horror. Clients are picky; so what?

    Well, their clients turn out to be design students. Why would design students need designers? I don't get it. Anyway, they are supposed to design a 12 by 12 room for sleeping, eating, working, and putting on productions of experimental theater.

    The designers are paired with younger versions of themselves:

    Clients: "I'm messy, I like orange, I'm into mid-century modern design, I like things very organized, I love art!"

    Designers: "Oh, my god! Me too!"

    Mike Myers: "I'll call them Mini Me!"

    Ryan: "Yes! Art! Fuck you, Saint-Tropez!"

    Saint-Tropez: "No; fuck you, Ryan!"

    Wow, I'm a little surprised Saint-Tropez would use language like that.

    Early the next morning Todd breaks in to the women's loft. He tells them they will be shopping at garage sales and they will have $500.

    OK, this is my favorite challenge so far! Unlike spending $50,000 at the PDC, decorating a room from garage sales is something I can relate to. I don't know if most designers spend a lot of time a garage sales but I'm sure they go to flea markets and used furniture stores, where you can find similar items. Maybe they wouldn't design entire rooms that way but they would certainly find some pieces, depending on the client's aesthetic, so I think this challenge is fun and has some real-world application.

    Todd tells the designers that this challenge will also be about picking their carpenters:

    Daniel Vosovic: "It's a motherfucking walk-off!"

    Well, not quite, Daniel. The winner of this challenge will get to pick the hottest carpenter but I don't know how the rest will pick. And the picking doesn't even happen during this episode so I don't know why they even brought it up.

    In order to suddenly make the carpenters an issue the editors make sure we notice the problems Carisa is having with hers. I don't know her carpenter's name so we'll just call her Karen:

    Karen the Carpenter: "Here's the rolling piece of crap you requested."

    Carisa: "Oh, my god, I can't use that! What's wrong with you, Karen?"

    Karen the Carpenter: "Oh, rainy days and Mondays always get me down."

    Carisa: "It's Thursday and it's sunny out, for Christ's sake! And we're completely out of time!"

    Karen the Carpenter: "No, we've only just begun ... to live ... white lace and promises ... a kiss for luck and we're on our way!"

    Carisa: "For the last time, I am not kissing you! We are totally screwed! I have to throw that whole thing out. I've had it with you!"

    Karen the Carpenter: "I know you are upset with me but I just want you to know this: When there's no getting over that rainbow, when my smallest of dreams won't come true, I can take all the madness the world has to give but I won't last a day without you!"

    Carisa: "STOP WITH THE DAMN SINGING! And, for the love of god, would you please eat a sandwich!"

    Before we get to the judging let me tell you who the guest judge is this week: It's Joe Stewart! Would you have seen any of his work before? Well, how about the room you're standing in right now! That's right, he designed the White Room! It certainly has more of an impact than his work as a judge.

    In addition to her carpenter problems Carisa is also having color issues. Todd points out that everything she does is orange and green. I actually thought she's used more red and green, but whatever. So now, for a change of pace, she's using red and green. If she wanted orange but was afraid of using the same color combination, why didn't she use orange with a color other than green? Also, I don't know why she painted a wall red, kept an orange chair and rug, and then painted the furniture this weird fuschia that seemed to clash with everything. But she did manage to buy a really cool chair, a terrific floor lamp, and some other good pieces. I never find anything that cool at garage sales. Even Margaret, chief of the pillow police, liked her use of pillows in this challenge.

    Ryan decorates his room with crushed glass:

    Ryan: "It's participatory art."

    Ryan's Client: "I love that he made art for me! But how is it participatory? Ow! Oh, my god; I'm bleeding all over the wall!"

    Ryan: "See; you're collaborating in the work of art!"

    Matt creates a room inspired by Armani Casa. It's really good. I don't think he got very interesting garage sale items but he really transformed them in to something nice.

    Andrea's room has lots of storage and it's not bad but her sofa is too narrow to sleep on.

    Goil creates a platform sleeping area with a sunken bed that confuses Margaret and cool chairs that have the back legs cut off so that they sit halfway on a ledge.

    Felicia puts up fabric on one wall. I love the fabric. And I actually don't mind the room; I appreciate that she pretended the room might actually have a window. But, like almost everyone else on earth, I hate the afghan she put on the bed. I can almost see getting away with that in a bohemian, hippie way but it just doesn't quite work in this room. The client wants to kill herself. That's never good.

    Erik puts wood up the back wall and hangs folding chairs on the side wall, which is a really nice detail for a small space. He has a work of art that is just the word "art" painted on a canvas. It's postmodern but cliched and it doesn't work.

    I was really impressed with Michael in this challenge. I LOVE the furniture he bought and the built-in bed looks really good. I didn't hate the colors but I have to agree with the judges that they were not bright and happy:

    Michael: "I disagree."

    Judges: "It's banana and grape."

    Michael: "I disagree."

    Judges: "We think you're colorblind."

    Michael: "I disagree."

    He's obviously talented but he has trouble associating the right emotion to what he's designing. His color choices for both this and his child's room were muted and somber and he seems to think they were youthful and cheery.

    Matt and Carisa are the top two:

    Judges: "Carisa, tell us about your room."

    Carisa: "Well, there was supposed to be this big rolling desk but I threw it out."

    Judges: "Wow, you really know how to sell your design! You win!"

    I think Matt's was better but he just doesn't have the great story-telling ability that Carisa has.

    Ryan and Felicia are the bottom two:

    Felicia: "My client told me she wanted a room that would make her suicidal and I think I succeeded."

    Ryan: "My client wanted art."

    Judges: "But she didn't want to have to live in the middle of an installation piece. It was chaotic and made her feel like she was in prison. You seem to only be interested in making art. Do you even want to be a designer?"

    Ryan: "I want to be a designer but I just want to be able to do whatever I want and not pay attention to the needs of the client."

    Kelly: "Well, that seems perfectly reasonable."

    Jonathan: "Margaret and I think he's an asshole."

    Margaret: "In fact, you're going to see my foot in his ass in a minute. Oh, wait ... not with these shoes."

    Jonathan: "Felicia, Vickie Lawrence called. She wants the set to Mama's Family back. Goodbye."


    Friday, February 23, 2007

    Diva or Not?

    Kelly isn't receiving the award this week.
    She's more Bride of Frankenstein then diva.

    Ryan's attitude is diva like, but not quiet there.
    He was telling us that we are #1 right?

    That leaves us with only one other choice to be this weeks
    Diva of the Week.

    Girl, you've been taking lessons from Michael haven't you?
    Rolling those eyes like you just don't care.
    Oh yeah baby, you are a diva!
    Posted by: TheHoInMo


    Michael - In the News.

    Oh honey...

    75 year old women are not your only supporters.
    We love you too!!!

    Read "Designer survives 4th round of TV contest".
    By George Barnes

    Labels: ,

    Please Stop Killing Kittens!

    Folks, every week that Ryan stays on the show, a kitten dies. Yes, you heard me right. Ryan+Top Design=dead kittens.

    Just look at this precious kitty, struck down during last nights episode,while eating his dinner. Tragic!

    Why does this happen? Ryan "kitten killer" Humphrey is the only one who knows why. We must put an end to this madness!

    Kittens have resorted to wearing disguises in hopes that they might be spared.

    Some have given up the fight and just wait for their time to come.

    We don't want the blood of anymore dead kittens on our hands do we? How can we go on knowing this evil is happening every Wednesday? Its now in the judges hands.

    Let put a smile on the kittens faces again. Lets hope the judges do the right thing and they next vote off Ryan "kitten killer" Humphrey.

    Posted by: Brillke

    Labels: ,

    Thursday, February 22, 2007

    I Can Do That...

    by Damselfly

    So you liked the winning design last night? And you have a teenaged daughter who would like a room like that...because let’s be honest, nobody over the aged of 16 would be caught dead with a room like that. Anyway, you have no idea where to start and in your town yard sales just don’t have that kind of merchandise at them...I mean where I live you're lucky to find a set of four glasses that don’t have Fred Flinstone on them. You’ll have to do it from...gasp...new stuff. So let’s begin.....

    We’ll start at IKEA...because if you don’t have BRAVO to give you money for a budget everything starts at IKEA.

    The bed is pretty cheap and it should be since it’s press board but hey who wants to give a teenage an antique anyway. For $79.99 you can get yourself this bed that comes with a mattress and pre-painted...who can beat that. Bonus, when your kid kicks a hole in it with their soccer ball because it’s press board, you won’t feel so bad.

    Now I know what you’re thinking...That bed has no bookshelf. Aha...for $29.99 you can add this lovely, also pre-painted bookshelf to the foot of it...tada!

    So this looks like a very skinny bookshelf, right? Lay it down on it’s side and you’ve got yourself a coffee table complete with some storage spaces underneath, something that Carisa was missing last night. That’s going to run you $69.99 and it comes in an array of colors not pinkish red but if you buy it in white and then get a can of paint, or better yet spray paint for that nice even coat, you will end up with an appropriately colored coffee table. Not that a teenager needs a coffee table in their room but for the sake of the process...moving on.

    The desk that runs the width of the room is very simple. Go to the hardware store with the right measurements. Get the wood. Build it. Paint it. Trust me, this is going to cost you less than trying to get one made. The chair however...

    We go back to IKEA and find it for the amazing price of $29.99. Yes it’s black but I was going for what was available in the shape. They do have desk chairs in red that are slightly different...

    For lamps we’ll travel over to Target...or Tar-jay to be french and phonetic.

    Our floor lamp is not exact and at $139.99 it’s going to be one of the more expensive things in the room...weird but typical. I like it better, but if you look through the floor lamp section you can find ones cheaper but you lose similarity. Either way...

    For $99.99, this desk lamp mirrors Carisa’s find well. And if you are really stuck on the white base...get out your paints.

    The metal desk is actually interesting. Either you can go to keysan.com, where I found it for $260.94, and buy it new or you can look up used office supplies in your area and find it cheaper. Companies go out of business and liquidators are always trying to get rid of "out of date" office furniture. And come on...that’s why it was in the yard sale...pleather upholstery or not. Oh that reminds me, the pleather you can find at any fabric store and you will with have real luck if you go somewhere that specializes in upholstery.

    The wall shelf unit has eluded me. I know I’ve seen it before as a cd rack but alas, I could not find it. Probably could if I had all day to sit on the computer but my 15 month old will not let me do that. What I did find was these at designpublic.com for $104 each. A bit pricey but I did want to give you an option for that piece.

    Let’s finish up the metal in the room with the trash can from onlineorganizing.com for $15. I found a cheaper one at Bed, Bath, and Beyond but it wasn’t as similar. You decide what you want.

    The chair is a budget killer. It’s going to rip your wallet out of your jeans, pocket and all, chew on it for a while, and hand it back to you spitty and empty. And let’s be honest it’s not that attractive of a chair to begin with. Ok, so this is all a cover because I couldn’t find one exactly like it. I did find this one at metroretrofurniture.com for $1995, but as I have said...I wouldn’t break the bank for this. It’s just not that pretty.

    The rug I found at adarug.com $219 for a 5’x7’. It’s big, shaggy, and orange. Like I said, definatly a 16 year old.

    And last but not least the accents. Don’t steal a road sign, please. Go to safetysign.com and buy one. It will only set you back $33.35 and your local government will thank you. And the pillows...start at designerlinenoutlet where I found these black and white striped ones for $19.99 each and then go crazy on whatever patterned ones catch your eye.

    Well, there it is...broken down and dismantled. Not necessarily my favorite room from last night but it might be yours...if you’re 16...and your favorite movie is Legally Blonde...and you idolize Paris Hilton...I’m going to stop now.

    Michael Made Us Sing

    Hello, world, here's the song that we’re singin’
    C’mon get happy!
    A whole lot of lovin’ is what we’ll be bringin’
    We’ll make you happy!

    Mystery Solved...
    and here we thought you were from the movie, "A Christmas Story".

    We had a dream, we’d go travelin’ together,
    We’d spread a little lovin’ then we’d keep movin’ on.
    Somethin’ always happens whenever we’re together
    We get a happy feelin’ when we’re singing a song.

    Trav’lin’ along there’s a song that we’re singin’

    C’mon get happy!

    A Whole lot of lovin’ is what we’ll be bringin’

    We’ll make you happy!

    Admit it everyone... you were all humming along when you saw this.

    And if you didn't... you are now!!!

    Post by Calady


    Ryan - Scope Art Fair Today

    From Ryan:
    I've been working on a labor intensive art installation for the Scope Art Fair at Lincoln Center here in NYC. It is loosely based on interior design. I've titled the exhibition "If you Want Blood (you got it)" It opens to the public tomorrow so check out the Scope website for details/directions...I hope to see you all.


    Wednesday, February 21, 2007

    Garage Sale!!!

    Congratulations to Carisa!!!

    Farewell to Felicia!
    The stars did not line up tonight.
    We wish you all the best.


    Oh you know we will have more to say about this.

    What did you think of this weeks episode?


    It's Live Party Time...And You Are Invited.

    You’re invited to the Top Design Party
    Over at Blogging Top Design to discuss Episode 4!

    Grab a seat and chat with the BTD folks
    Phaolo, The Scarlett, Laura K, and TBone
    as the show airs live tonight,
    then come back here and tell us what you think of the new episode!

    Click here to join the party!

    Don't forget to catch Andy's post show, "Watch What Happens" over on Bravo.com
    Tonights guest is Margaret Russell
    You can email questions or call into the show with questions.
    Enjoy Everyone!!!

    Who's Going Next?

    Who's going next? Any ideas you care to share with others?


    Sunday, February 18, 2007

    Taste Patrol

    Three Hula Man Bobble Award

    For taking me away from the cold, I give this week's beach challenge the coveted and much desired Three Man Hula Bobble Award.

    As much of the upper and eastern half of this nation was locked in ice, sleet, and raging blizzards, our designtestants got to frolick on a beach with studly folks who looked like this.

    Need I say anything more on the subject?

    Two Hula Man Bobble Award

    The team of Mikey, Felicia, and Andrea wins the Two Man Hula Bobble Award for being as adorable as a trio of puppies.

    However, to my humble way of thinking, a cabana must have a roof. Yes, those rafters looked beautiful and geometric against that brilliant blue sky, but Ms. Place’s skin would have burnt to a crisp underneath those naked pieces of wood. She no longer sunbathes, and that cabana, wonderfully romantic as it is, provides no solar shelter.

    OH! You expected me to use WHAAAT? Sorry, dahlings, even lotion with an SFP of 1,000 doesn’t work on my fair skin. And I don't care to feel like a lubricated axle. Having said this, those curtains were poetry in motion. They won you the competition. Felicia was right in this instance: Less is more (her words not mine.) I hope your girlfriend's night out at the Viceroy Hotel was delightful. Wish I'd been there!

    The Bobble Won't Wobble Award

    The Bobble Won't Wobble Award goes to both Ryan and Carisa. This was a tossup, though at times I tended to feel for Carisa because I saw how Ryan, who is much older and wiser, was playing her. In addition, when the woman is assertive, she's labeled a Bitch or diva, but when a man exhibits the same behavior (Ryan) he's merely being assertive. Not.

    Ms. Place has been to St. Tropez, as she had an Aunt who lived in Nice, and, dahlings, you've never seen a fancier playground for the rich. This team fell way short of the mark. Even with Goil's soaring rafters, the overall design of the cabana looked cheap and thin and nothing like anything I saw in the south of France.

    Carisa and Erik made a great team, so we know she can work well with others. However, she’s still a student. Good lord, girl, you acted as though you have years of design experience and tried to lord it over Ryan, who is an artist of some repute. Bad call. It's not as if your materials and colors reflected the Cote d'Azur. (Azur being the operative word for your choice of blue.) When I saw next week’s previews, I asked myself, 'Is Carisa going to use tomato red and green AGAIN?' If so, you had some nerve ragging on Ryan.

    As for Ryan, you deliberately chose tchotchkes as fillers (your words not mine). In my book purchasing all that STUFF was totally inexcusable. I can't imagine that you would approach your art work with the same throw away phrase: I'll just fill this negative space with STUFF. You would have been laughed out of art school and never made it as a serious artist. You should have concentrated on choosing the perfect furniture for a rich St. Tropez experience. And how on earth do you expect candles to stay lit on a beach? Ever heard of ocean breezes? Pffftttt!

    I can't forgive either of you for frazzling my new Goil-friend. Here he is looking like he'd spent a night in the House on Haunted Hill. Where's his darling smile, I ask you? What did you do to the bounce in his step?

    Trash It Award

    The Trash It Award goes to - Ok, Bravo, I’ll say it: Trash the judges and find new ones, or ask this group to make an attitude adjustment. I agree with my teammate Damselfly; the two women are holier than thou. And is it me, or is Jonathan starting to resemble that puppet Charlie McCarthy, parroting the same phrases over and over and plastering a fixed but false smile on his face?

    If the judges made sound decisions based on what I see and know, then I could forgive Jonathan for his cloying smiles, Kelly for her inappropriately youthful wardrobe, and Margaret for her haughtiness. The guest judge Katherine was forgettable. I don’t remember a single word she uttered. Latering Elizabeth (what an awful word) was a huge mistake. The Miami Beach cabana had a rich, cohesive look that the St. Tropez cabana lacked.

    So you don’t think their deep colors exist in Miami? Yes they do. Here’s a photo of an Art Deco interior at the Royal Palm South Beach on Collins Avenue.

    This hotel's color scheme makes Elizabeth's look restrained. I'm not saying that the Royal Palm's room shows taste and class, just that this color combination can be found in Miami and that Elizabeth's design sin was not as heinous as Ryan's, whose furniture and tchotchkes choices were wholly inappropriate. Besides, Ryan has repeatedly demonstrated poorer design choices in past challenges. Why didn't Elizabeth's more sterling record count for something?

    Repeat after me, judges: We wuz wrong! We shoulda kept Elizabeth.

    Oh, yeah, I forgot, there's an unspoken edict on reality t.v. to get rid of the older contestants and keep the younger more colorful "characters." It sickens me to see this pattern repeated over and over with few exceptions, in this instance Lisa, John, and Elizabeth have been let go. Is there any designer over 40 left in this bunch?

    Special Award: Should Never Be Heard in the Light of Day

    Once in a while I will add this category when the situation warrants it.

    The first Should Never Be Heard in the Light of Day Award goes to, "See you later, decorator."

    Nuff said.

    Disclaimer: Ms. Place writes her unlaudable tomes in the dark of night wearing blinders and earplugs. She refrains from reading other's contributions or comments until she forms her own forgettable opinions. Only then does she visit other TD sites to discover with dismay that we all have the same reactions to the same events. ARE THERE NO ORIGINAL OPINIONS left in this world?

    By Ms. Place