Top Design Recap, Episode 6: Party Monsters: or My Goil likes to party all the time, party all the time, party all the ti-ime!
Legal disclaimer: Eric Three Thousand is a registered trademark of Eric Three Thousand Omnimedia and I dare you to say otherwise (that’s right, I’m talking to you, Oprah)! The quotes and events you are about to read are mostly fake. For instance, Sir Elton John does not chase people around with a fork, threatening to eat them. Everyone knows he uses the sterling silver spork that was specially commissioned from the Gorham Silver Company and presented to him by the Queen.
Well, if the producers' goal was to pump up the drama to the point where I can't stand anyone on the show and don't care who wins, they've succeeded. The challenge, itself, was actually pretty good this week. Too bad I couldn't enjoy it because of all the fighting.
Anyway, the remaining jerks and doormats are split in to two teams of three to create a party tent for Bacardi Limon in the plaza of the Pacific Design Center:
Todd: “You’ll be working in the shadow of Sir Elton John and that’s a really big shadow.”
Sir Elton John: “I’d watch what you say, Todd. You look good enough to eat.”
Todd: “Oh, my god! He has a fork! Keep him away from me!”
The theme music to the Benny Hill Show plays while Sir Elton John chases Todd around the Plaza of the Pacific Design Center. The point Todd was trying to make is that the plaza is where Sir Elton John puts on his annual Oscar party.
The teams are Matt, Michael, and Carisa; and Andrea, Erik, and Goil. There are no team leaders. OK, we already hate team challenges but the format this week was even worse than usual. With nobody in charge it's just too easy for two people to gang up on the third to make sure that person is more vulnerable for elimination. That’s exactly what happened in this challenge.
Goil and Carisa both come up with major ideas for their respective projects. Then their teammates take those ideas, change them, shut Goil and Carisa out of the entire rest of the process, and take credit for everything. That’s how it went, in a nutshell.
The extended version goes like this: Goil comes up with the fantastic idea of gigantic chandeliers made of Bacardi bottles. Andrea and Erik love the idea and immediately get to work turning it to crap.
Andrea: “Just don’t let Goil anywhere near those chandeliers. They were his idea in the first place so we can’t let him be involved in making them!”
Erik: “I agree. If we let him work on them they’ll probably look good and then he’ll take credit for them.”
Even Goil’s supposed friend, Sarah the carpenter, got in on the act:
Goil: “The pieces of wood should go like this.”
Sarah: “That’s not what Andrea wanted. Why don’t you go ask Andrea’s permission before you go opening your mouth.”
Poor Goil. No wonder he was crying:
Goil: “Well, all day long I hear how great Andrea is at this or how wonderful Andrea did that! Andrea, Andrea, ANDREA!”
Later, Goil puts on an afro wig and makes a dramatic entrance at the party.
The scenario is not too much different for Carisa. She comes up with the basic concept of the big "square donut" shapes that are the main feature of the space. Michael and Matt just complain about everything she says and then they take credit for whole project:
Carisa: “So, I think we should have seating over here.”
Michael: “Well, I’m an expert on parties because I actually went to a party once, and I’m telling you people are not going to want to sit down. We shouldn’t waste our resources on seating.”
[Cut to the White Room, where Michael takes credit for all the seating.]
Matt and Michael just spend the whole challenge making fun of Carisa:
Michael: “Can you believe how dumb her ideas are?”
Matt: “Ew, I know! Girls are so gross, right? Ha ha!”
Carisa is listening in on Michael’s telephone call when he’s trying to order hookers for the party guests:
Peewee Herman: “Excuse me! I’m trying to use the phone!”
Oh, that wasn’t Peewee; that was Michael:
Michael: “Carisa, I was on a very professional phone call to gogo dancers and I don’t need you making little choking noises when I mention gold jewelry. Did you hear me? It wasn’t just a phone call; it was a VERY PROFESSIONAL phone call. I think your behavior was very unprofessional, listening in on my professional phone call.”
Carisa: “I get it; you were on a professional phone call. Would you like to discuss this for another hour or do you think we could get back to work now?”
Todd tells Carisa and Matt that their tables are looking a little “caskety.”
Matt: “Oh, yeah, I was just thinking that.”
Carisa: “Yeah, me too; I just didn’t want to say anything.”
Todd: “Ha ha! I’m just messing with you! I wanted to see if you would totally cave!”
Matt: “Oh, I knew that but I wanted to play along with your joke. You are so funny, Todd!”
Carisa: “Well, I think you are even funnier; I just didn’t want to say anything.”
Todd: "God, you two are morons."
Matt: "Wow, I was just thinking that we are total morons!"
Carisa: "Yeah, I was about to say that!"
Todd: “OK, shut up! But seriously, it looks like a casket. Change it.”
Now we get a little behind-the-scenes look:
Producers: “OK, everyone get out of the shot so we can have Goil trying to pick up a wall all by himself. It’ll be cute! Yeah, that’s good, Goil, but try to look a little more pathetic. OK, I really want to feel the emotion, here. And ... you’re struggling, you’re struggling, good, you’re so frustrated that you’re on the verge of tears, and ... you fall on your ass. Perfect! Next we’re going to drop a load of bricks on you. People will eat that up! You signed your medical release, right?”
Two things that don’t seem to be explained for this challenge are what kind of budget or rules they had for entertainment and what the hell food had to do with anything. I get the five senses thing but I don’t think the food was ever mentioned in the judging so what was the point? And why did Andrea and Erik give that responsibility to Goil, who apparently had never eaten food before?
On to the judging:
Carisa, Michael, and Matt’s team has played it too safe. The room looks good but it looks like a basic cocktail lounge. The judges think it’s a little boring and they hate the flowers, for some reason. The guest judge, Ben Bourgeois, thinks the flowers should have smelled. I like the designer’s idea of just having the smell of lemons. Margaret wanted to see the gogo dancers but she also loved the bouncer, especially when he frisked her for concealed weapons. The guests preferred this party and this team wins the challenge. Matt says he is responsible for the space and the judges believe him, though there is no real evidence to support his claim. He gets an extra hour on the next challenge.
Goil, Andrea, and Erik have lots of interesting ideas but the space is kind of a mess. The floor-mounted “chandeliers” are pretty cool but they are more like shelves than lighting fixtures. I’m sure they would have been cooler if they had just let Goil handle them. I understand that he tends to focus on details but he is really good with engineering and construction and if he says he can do something I believe him. The rest of the space looks too busy and haphazard. Margaret informs us that flowers are not supposed to be furry. Well, you learn something new every day. Jonathan tells us that a big part of designing is making your voice heard and says Goil should have forced his opinion on his teammates. I find this argument pretty lame. You can try to express your opinion but if you are outvoted by your two teammates, you eventually have to give in. He could have just yelled at them for two days so that they never finished the challenge but I don’t see how that would have been better. Sometimes, if you are working with jerks, you just have to stop fighting and get the job done. Neither the judges nor the guests loved the space. For some reason Erik says he is responsible for this mess and, again, the judges believe him without any real evidence to support his claim. Erik is sent home.
Time to party:
Jonathan: “Hey, guys, I have a fun way of saying ‘party’: it’s ‘par-tay!’ That’s how the brothers say it.”
Margaret: “Do you mean black people?”
Jonathan: “No; the Wachowski brothers.”
[This bit was stolen from a Stella routine]
Tune in next time when everyone refuses to answer a question! Ooh, that’s got me on the edge of my seat!